21 5 / 2013
I think the idea of a ‘narrative’ in terms of an identity is really fucked up. I am pretty certain this is not a new revelation for the internet or even myself. Regardless, today it really hit me how fucked up this idea of a storyline we are all suppose to follow is. Whether it is in the way we come out, how we understand our gender identity or how we are dealing with mental health issues; it is incredibly problematic.
I think it is valuable to find shared experiences with people who identify in similar ways that you do. But we should not be limited to a formula in the way we have those experiences. Narratives can be alienating, if you don’t identify with the normed narrative, you feel confused. I feel this way about how I came out, but I feel it more so with the way I think about my eating disorder.
Most of the blogs and websites that talk about eating disorders talk about a serious and clinical recovery road. Eating disorders are represented by people who have suffered so seriously that they look like death. Yet, I was whole heartedly committed to my bulimia, and I managed to keep it pretty together on the outside. And I think because I did’t fit this narrative in which my entire physical body collapsed around me, I had a harder time identifying that I had a problem. To be honest, I am about 6 months clean of my bulimic practices, but there are still days where I don’t necessarily understand why it’s wrong, because I feel like I was doing it right. I think this is a result of my fucked up perception coupled with a lack of my identifying with the normal ED narrative.
People, eating disorders, sexuality all come in different shapes and sizes. So why continue to think of this one narrative? And I think the liberal and open minded populace of tumblr would have no problem breaking down the norms. But I just don’t understand how to make the discussion broader, in every subject frame. Honestly, every time I see a queer narrative and or an ED narrative on television ( except on glee, so help me god) I am happy the issue is being discussed. But maybe there needs to be more accountability in the way these things are talked about, on television, in classrooms and amongst ourselves.
31 1 / 2013
There are a lot of pictures on tumblr this evening of skinny ass girls with giant boobs who look dead in the eyes.
As a regular sized, cis-gender woman and a feminist, I say fuck that bullshit.
05 12 / 2012
"I know girls who are trying to fit into the social norm
like squeezing into last year’s prom dress
i know girls who are low rise, mac eyeshadow, and binge drinking
i know girls that wonder if they’re disaster and sexy enough to fit in
i know girls who are fleeing bombs from the mosques of their skin
playing russian roulette with death; it’s never easy to accept
that our bodies are fallible and flawed
but when do we draw the line?
when the knife hits the skin?
isn’t it the same thing as purging,
because we’re so obsessed with death,
some women just have more guts than others
the funny thing is women like us don’t shoot
we swallow pills, still wanting to be beautiful at the morgue,
still proceeding to put on make-up,
still hoping that the mortician finds us fuckable and attractive
we might as well be buried with our shoes,
and handbags and scarves, girls
we flirt with death everytime we etch a new tally mark
into our skin
i know how to split my wrists like a battlefield too
but the time has come for us to
reclaim our bodies
our bodies deserve more than to be war-torn and collateral,
offering this fuckdom as a pathetic means to say,
“i only know how to exist when i’m wanted”
girls like us are hardly ever wanted you know
we’re used up and sad and drunk and
perpetually waiting by the phone for someone to pick up
and tell us that we did good
You did good."
-Mary Lambert, I know girls (bodylove) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pbW7bRD6qc
This is incredibly powerful. Listen to all of it.
16 11 / 2012
Sometimes I feel like Tumblr really fucks with my body image.
Being the giant dyke I’ve been lately, I’ve followed a lot of lady on lady content. But it seems like in those pictures the representation of women is white, skinny, long haired, big chested women. While I am half of those things, constantly being bombarded with images of women like that, gay and straight alike, it’s sort of starting to mess with me.
Obviously, I have the agency to choose who I follow and what I want to look. I am not trying to say these women aren’t beautiful,but sometimes it’s just so frustrating for this patriarchal notion of beauty to be the only thing represented within our queer lady community. Women come in all shapes and sizes; queer women come in all shapes and sizes. I am a lesbian, and I am not a skinny woman in a cut off and a snap back with long flowing hair and a ciagerette in my mouth. Nor am I the more masculine women that create the other side of the dichotomy.
I’m not saying these type of queer women don’t exist, but I am just saying there is a wider variety out there. I feel like there is a really large queer population on tumblr, and to have mostly skinny white women in sepia-tone represented is annoying and problematic.
Sexuality is difficult enough, why hipster-photograph ourselves into a hole and make those just figuring out their sexuality less apart of something because we aren’t presenting them with the imagery they identify with.
I’m not saying don’t reblog those gorgeous women who remind me of why I am giant lesbian. But at the same time, reblogging images of other sized women wouldn’t hurt either, because they are also apart of the reason I love women.